The hurricane missed us. After spending hours suffering through long lines waiting to buy toilet paper, water, and comfort food in the form of my favorite chips. After walking the yard picking up stuff that could potentially fly higher than a Mariah Carey song that makes a dog howl. After watching endless hours of video loops of impending doom. What? Where are the reporters in raincoats being whipped around? I’m supposed to be relieved. Instead, I’m annoyed. I didn’t get the excitement that was planned. I feel jilted. I began the hurricane journey not believing that it would hit us. I want that feeling of pastoral simplicity back again.
The same thing happens when you stay in a hotel. You’re sleeping soundly, ignorant of all that is around you UNTIL a brief sound from the tv next door slips through the wall. All of a sudden, you can hear the entire movie, and you remember just how annoying Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice can be. You want that quiet peacefulness that you felt before that moment was snatched away forever.
I’ve never been how a traditional Army wife is portrayed. You expect the officer’s wife to be cute, thin, and eternally perky. Or eternally bitchy. The expectation of what even I have perceived is not what is looking at me in the mirror. When I walk into a room, do they wish I was someone else?
With expectation comes feelings. Whether excitement or contentment, human beings want the status quo. You feel secure in knowing that what you think is reality. You want to be RIGHT. And when it’s not, it puts you in a position of uncertainty. Whether or not you want it, you’re pushed past the expected, into a new way of thinking and feeling.
I didn’t have the problems associated with a hurricane. But my yard is cleaned up, and I don’t have to buy toilet paper for at LEAST a year. I got out of bed because of the tv, and didn’t lose a minute of a glorious day. I know I don’t LOOK like I belong on the tv show Army Wives, but I certainly want to let everyone around me know that I care so much more than they could ever imagine.
Don’t expect the unexpected. Unexpect the expected. Time is moving forward, life is moving on, and so am I.