Where are you?
In just over a week, I’m going to turn 52 years old. I wonder how this happened. Not the age part, but the AGE aspect. I was always never satisfied where I was, so I would count myself as a year older that day after my birthday. In simpler terms, I was 10 years old from October 3rd, 1974 to October 1st, 1975. I had to find some way of making sense of those age cut-off for starting school. If you’re5 years old for almost the entire year, why do you have to wait until you’re almost 6 before going to Kindergarten?
But age is just a number. AGE is something else entirely. Somehow I became OLD. Like how my Mom used to sit in the living room with my Dad and watch old movies on their black and white tv. It didn’t just sneak up on me either. I should have seen it coming, but like everything else that happens when you’re holding on to 29, I didn’t think it would happen to ME. I couldn’t handle teaching because all of a sudden I didn’t like yelling kids. So I stayed to help out with my elderly Mother-in-law. When she passed away, I kind of drifted…. and drifted…. and now here I am.
Not just physically, but emotionally. Hiding like a hermit in a cave, I type away at my funny, troll-like comments on FaceBook and then skulk around on Pinterest to find things to stock my imaginary beach house and camper.
This is where I am: Fat, depressed, and over 50.
BUT…. (and you know that “but” is like a delete button for all that’s said previously)… I have raised 2 incredible young men, who are responsible adults who make their own way in life without lots of hovering. I have an incredibly healthy marriage to a man who knows me better than myself but has enough tact to not say what he’s thinking! (Thanks, babe!)
Where are you going?
When I was growing up in tiny little Cut Bank, Montana, I would stand on the sidewalk in front of our house on Highway 2, looking to the East. I just KNEW there was something happening out there, and I wanted to be a part of it. This point of view where I’m constantly looking forward has served me well as an Army Wife. We’ve moved 17 times over the last 29 years, across the country, across the street, and across the ocean.
And now we’re starting a new direction: we’re moving to New Jersey. And for the first time, I’m on myown without kids as a distraction. N.O. children. And doing the Army Wife thing, after staying by myself in my bubble for so long?
So, this is my future. Join me as I post my journey. As a mid-life woman without a normal life. Will I make it? God willing and the creek don’t rise… I certainly hope so!